Monday, December 26, 2011

December 26, 2011

Dear Diary,

TREATS: LOADS!!! Well, by the usual paltry standards.
SNUGGLES: TONS!!! Again, the bar is low, but I'll take it.
INJUSTICES: 12, give or take

It's that time of year. The weighing of the "naughty" with the "nice." What does this mean anyway? Isn't one man's naughty another's nice? Isn't eating someones cake a nice thing to do? Says, "Gosh, you made a nice cake that's deserving of being eaten!" and "Let me eat this for you so your bum doesn't grow any larger."  Semantics. It's all I'm saying.

Look at me here on Christmas morn. Hardly eaten anything and trusted into the task of ripping through heavy stock paper. But look at what it says?? Does it say GOOD DOG! Or BELOVED PET? Sure doesn't.

Ugh. Injustice. But it was filled with treats! However, they were treats that insinuated that perhaps my breath doesn't smell like a dewey meadow filled with rosebushes and unicorns. (I hear unicorns smell divine!) Rude. I didn't give them presents that said, "You stink!! Fix it!" or "You call that a haircut?!" Where is the sensitivity?!

As promised, I found some holiday photos of me from the good years. You know, before mini-person (and the 2nd vacuum. Who needs 2 vacuums?!?!?! Pure evil.).

Have you ever seen anything cuter than this?!?! Look at my adorable ears!!! And my tiny little legs! Oh, how I love this photo. I don't really like that coat so much, but I look so good in it, it's hard to poo-poo it. 

Here's where I really shine through....

See what I did there? Shine? Lights?? Oh forget it. Puns never pay off. Or is that a metaphor? WHATEVER. I look amazing and that's the point. Look at that face! I really am a treasure. And how dare they put all those lights around me! I could have been electrocuted! I guess it was worth it for the sake of the art.

Here I am now....

... resting with my latest friend. Pink Dog, I named her. She doesn't say much. Just a few crinkles and squeaks. It's best that way. These people need a bigger couch. Criminal how I have to curl up like this. And no blanket!!!! No hamburgers! Misery.

Naughty or nice... I'm still gorgeous.

Beans A. Wienerdog

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