February 15, 2012

Dear Diary,

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

Ok. Deep breaths. Maybe that's a bad angle...

Nope. Not the angle. It looks like that stupid vacuum robot covered in hair!!!! That's not a dog!!!! And that vacuum is evil and demented and must be smashed. I don't trust it. And don't cover it in hair and think that I can be fooled! I digress...

This is a dog....

She's me on stilts! She's German!! (Ok, her name is Fifi, but she's German at heart...) THAT is a dog. It's not as great as this Dachshund....

But. Whatever. Injustice. Why should I be so surprised at life being so horrible to me?? Did I get a consolation steak last night??? No. Did I get snuggled all night? Oh, yeah, I did... BAH. I don't even get to complain about lack of snuggles!!!!!! MISERY. 

I need to eat some socks. 

Sincerely, 

Beans A. Wienerdog

February 14, 2012

Dear Diary,

Valentine's Day. Or, the memorial of the day I lost those 2 little dangly bits. That's right, I was neutered on Valentine's Day. While my Mother Person went to the Westminster Dog show and whored herself out with other dogs. I think that pretty much sums up my life. Misery. Oh sure, she coddled and snuggled me after I came home and I got "special" treats for awhile... but that was just her GUILT. Her GUILT for fraternizing with other dogs who still have dangly bits. She told me I was prettier than them.... and she's right. So, at least she's not blind. There's a win.

I have to admit, I am VERY excited as this year the wire-haired Dachshund won the hound group!!!! OH THE EXCITEMENT!!! Sure, they're inferior to the smooth coated, but heck. A Wiener recognition is a Wiener recognition and I'll take it. I mean, basically, the dog looks like me, only as an old man.

Good luck, Raydachs Playing With Fire V Glesihorbach. (That's a mouthful.) It should be noted that her   sister's name is Wire Wire Pants on Fire, which is fairly awesome. Anywho.... Make us proud, you little bitch! (Rarely does one get to say that and not get yelled at for salty language.) 


I better get treats tonight... Ugh. Probably won't. Misery. And apparently I can't see in 2-dimensions so I can't watch the finals on TV? INJUSTICE!!!!! Don't tell me what I can do or not do!!! And if I have to hear Mother Person squeal over the big dumb Labradors, I may need to break out the Scotch. 


Sincerely, 
Beans A. Wienerdog